L's cakeless week
by L-obsessed-Otaku
Summary: There's no more cake in all of Japan. L has finally lost it. no pairings.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note**

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*L is talking on the phone to Watari.*

L: What do you mean, "They're out of cake?" THEY CAN'T BE OUT OF CAKE!

W: I'm so sorry, Ryuzaki, but you'll have to go a week without cake.

*L drops phone*

*3 Hours later*

*Light walks into room*

Light: Ryuzaki? Can you pop this pimple on my back? It's really big and-

L: Shuttup, Kira.

Light: What? The Kira thing again?

L: I SAID SHUTTUP! CAN YOU NOT HEAR!

*Crosses arms angerly*

*Light looks like this - O.O*

Light: I only asked if you would-

L: Listen to me, Imagay. If you don't shuttup and admit you're Kira, I will stab you with an umbrella.

Light: That doesn't make any sense. If I shuttup and admit something it's kind of an oximoro-

L: It's umbrella time!

Light: O.O

*Soichiro walks in to find L beating a bleeding Light who is in the feetle position in the corner*

Light: Ryuzaki please! *cries*

L: You took them didn't you? MY CAKES! You took them and gave them to Kira! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU!

S: Ryuzaki!

*L turns scarily*

L: _**What. **_*This was more of a demand than a sentence*

S: Y-You're beating my son with an umbrella...

L: Do you have a problem with that? Does it bother you and your stupid rat of a mustache? What about you!

*Points at Matsuda standing by the door, ready to escape.*

Matsuda: *Shakes head swiftly*

L: That's what I thought!

*watari walks through the door*

L: Watari, WHERE are my cakes?

W: The bakery had none, remember?

L: AHAHAHAHHAHAHA! OFCOURSE! BECAUSE CAKES CAN JUST STAND UP AND WALK AWAY!

W: Are you alright, Ryuzaki?

L: I'M GONNA GO ON TOP OF THE ROOF AND SING MICHAEL JACKSON SONGS TO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD WHILE SHIRTLESS! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

*Rips off shirt. Runs uupstairs*

*Everyone is speechless.*

End of Day 1.


	2. Getting Backup

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note**

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**DAY 2. **

Light: Watari, Ryuzaki has been running around here laughing wildly and referring to me as his girlfriend "Mable" all day. When are you going to go find him some cake?

W: As soon as the bakery has some, but they said they would be out for a week. I figured he could handle it.

*Ryuzaki cartwheeling in the background*

L: HEY MABLE! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

Light: Is there any way to calm him down?

W: Nope. You should have seen him when he was going through puberty.

*Both shudder*

Light: Well, can you get someone here that could try to calm him down?

*Watari grabs cell phone*

W: I'll see what I can do.

L: HEY! HEY MABLE!

Light: *sigh* What?

L: Knock Knock!

Light: Who's there?

L: Interrupting cow!

Light: Interrupting cow wh-

L: MOO! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*4 hours later*

*Doorbell rings.

*Watari answers.*

W: Mello, Near, Matt! You're finally here!

Mello: So you wanted me to help on some big important case, right?

W: I guess you could think of it that way...

Light: *mumbles* Yeah big important spaz case...

W: SHH! Anyway, we here at the task force need your help.

Near: With what exactly?

*Light points to L who is currently attacking a rubber plant with ballpoint pen.*

L: GIVE UP KIRA! I WILL WRITE ON YOUR LEAVES WITH MY PEN OF JUSTICE!

*Writes explicitives on leaves*

Light: That.

Mello: What happened to him?

Near: ...O.o

Matt: I like video games :DD

W: He is having a cake problem. You see Japan is completely out of cakes for at least one week. It's only been a day and he's given Aizawa a concussion, he shaved half of Soichiro's mustache off during the night, and well, just look at Matsuda.

*Matsuda stomps down the stairs wearing a Sailor Moon costume*

Mello: That is possibly the most horrifying thing I have ever seen in my life.

Near: agreed.

W: Well, boys, have fun! I know you'll call him down eventually.

Matt: Wait, you're just going to leave us here with him?

Light and W: Bye!

*Door slams*

*All look at L*

L: Heyyy, wanna come meet Susie?

*Gestures to pillow with a badly drawn face on it.*

Mello: This is gonna suck.

**End of Day 2. **

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That's chapter 2! I hope you like it. I was just trying to get out all of my randomness. :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon either. :D


	3. Mello's Turn The real one!

Hey! Sorry guys! I mislabeled this chapter and it was posted as Mello's turn when it was actually chapter 4 of Wammy House! So sorry! I'll have Near's turn up next! Sorry for the inconvenience! I've finally gotten time to make chapter 3. :D

It's **MELLO'S TURN**

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Mello: Ryuzaki! RYUZAKI! Gaah! I can't find him anywhere! I bet Kira's behind this somehow...

L: Mell Mell..

Mello: Where did that come from?

L: MEEEELLLLLL MELLLLLLL

Mello: Oh, please tell me I'm wrong. *Looks up*

*L is hanging from the chandalier*

Mello: Crap.

*L lets go and falls on top of Mello.*

*CRASHH!*

L: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll never get me! I AM L! NO ONE WILL GET ME! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Runs away*

*Mello gets up*

Mello: I think I'm bleeding internally...

*walks upstairs*

Mello: L? L...? Come out...This isn't funny anymore.

*L comes from no where and grabs Mello.*

L: YOU'RE MINE, KIRA!

*Mello grabs gun*

Mello: Go sit down! I'll shoot!

*L walks towards Mello*

Mello: I WILL!

*Shoots gun.*

*Flag comes out that says "bang."

Mello: Curse you Near...

*L grabs Mello and throws him in closet.*

L: VICTORY SCREECH!

Mello: LET ME OUT, L!

L: No! NEVER! YOU WILL STAY IN THERE UNTIL THE FLAMINGOS ARE DONE BEATING YOU WITH WATERMELONS!

Mello: What? There are no flamingos in he- !

L: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Mello runs out of closet*

*heh heh*

Mello: How the *Explicitive* did you get flamingos in there?

L: Do not underestimate me, KIRA!

Mello: *Death glare..* I will beat Near. No matter what...I'll be the one to calm L down...C'mon L! There's cake downstairs!

L: CAKE? O.O

**Later...**

Mello: I finally got you.

*L is chained to a computer chair screaming wildly*

L: CAKE CAKE! YOU LIED TO MEE! *Cries.*

Mello: I know you want cake. But you're going to have to try something different to get your mind off of it. Maybe chocolate will help.

*Sticks chocolate in L's mouth*

*L spits it out*

L: I WANT CAKEE!

Mello: HOW COULD YOU DEFILE THAT POOR PIECE OF CHOCOLATE? YOU ANIMAL!

*Both scream at each other*

*Near comes in*

Near: Your time is up Mello. I'll take it from here.

Mello: Pfft. Good luck

*Mello leaves.*

Near: Now then...

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Maybe Near will be able to calm L down? Pfft. Who am I kidding?

Chappie 4 up soon!


	4. Near's Turn

It's **NEAR'S TURN. **

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Near: Well, L, I have been appointed with calming you down and-

L: You smell like an old person.

Near: ...anyway, I am going to try to get your mind off of cake-

L: THERE'S CAKE? :DD

Near: No. Instead we are going to play-

L: Guess who?

Near: No! We'll play-

L: Hungry Hungry Hippos?

Near: NO!

L: The SIMS?

Near: NO! SHUTTUP! JUST SHUTTUP, L!

L: You're the only one talking.

Near: *Breathes deeply* We are going to play with these. *Holds up action figures.*

L: Barbie dolls? :DD

Near: NO! They're action figures!

L: I want to be Barbie. 'Hey Barbie, Hi Ken! Wanna go for a ride? Sure! Hop on in! I'm a bar-

Near: SHUTTUP.

L: Your percentage of being Kira is at 17%. Kira hates happiness and barbie dolls.

Near: ...These are G.I. Joe action figures.

L: Can I be Ken?

Near: That's not even G. I. Joe!

L: Aha! Being exact. You're Kira percentage has gone up by 12%.

Near: LISTEN! WE ARE GOING TO PLAY WITH G.I. JOES AND YOU ARE JUST GOING TO SHUTTUP!

L: Being a control freak. Your Kira pertencage is now up to 42%

Near: *Pulls out hair* WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!

L: Hey, heh heh, what if I called you George all the time?

Near: What?

L: Hey, George, wanna go get some pizza? Hahaha ^_^

Near: Where's Mello's gun. I'm gonna shoot myself.

*Mello pokes head through doorway.*

Mello: Here you go!

*Tosses Near his gun*

*Near points gun at his own head*

L: George! NO!

*Matt walks in playing Mariokart.*

Matt: I'll take it from here, Near. Haha, that rhymed.

L: You're a poet and you didn't even know it.

Matt: I can make a rhyme anytime.

L: =D

Matt: =D

Near: Fine! YOU deal with him!

*Near leaves*

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lol Okay, near couldn't do it. Sorry this chapter was so short! Next it's **MATT'S TURN.**

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, G.I Joe, Barbie, Ken, Mariokart, Hungry Hungry Hippos, The Sims, Guess Who, or "Barbie Girl"


	5. Matt's Turn

It's **MATT'S TURN. **

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Matt: Hey, L!

L: What?

Matt: Do you want to play Halo wiff me? :D

L: What's Halo?

Matt: It's a game where you kill aliens and other players! :D

L: That sounds like something Kira would play!

Matt: Duh! Everyone plays Halo...

L: Interesting. MAYBE I COULD GET CLUES ABOUT KIRA FROM THIS GAME!

Matt: :D

*2 hours later*

L: DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!

Matt: There's a grenade over there!

*Both look at screen*

*Matt won.*

L: *quivering with anger* You...won...

Matt: HAHA! 10 times in a row!

*L runs upstairs*

Matt: Hey, wait! I'm supposed to watch you for the day!

*L comes downstairs with a pellet gun and a pot on his head.*

L: This...means...WAR!

*Shoots at Matt*

Matt: Oww! *grabs another pellet gun from nowhere*

Matt: YOU SHALL PAY!

*45 minutes later*

Matt: *writing* Matt's log. It's now 3:34pm and there is no sign of the enemy.

*a floorboard creaks*

*Matt aims his gun at a closet 3 feet away*

Matt: *Still writing* Scratch that. There is a disturbance in the hallway. I'm going in for a closer look.

*walks into hallway.*

L: I'VE GOT YOU NOW! *Shoots*

*Matt gets hit several times*

L: Why won't you die?

*Walks over to Matt and knocks him out with a shovel.*

L: Check and mate!

*Half an hour later*

*Matt is tied to a chair with a pellet gun pointed at his head*

L: *Talking into his hand like it's a walky talky* He's awake, Seargeant! I'm going to question him.

*Glares at Matt*

L: Who is Kira?

Matt: I...I don't know!

L: Yes you do. It's written all over your face! WHO IS IT? IS IT YOU?

Matt: No!

L: Well, I'll just have to MAKE you talk. *Grabs nearby bag full of Matt's favorite video games and a bunch of cigarettes.*

Matt: NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

L: *holds up Rythm Heaven* WHO IS KIRA?

Matt: I don't KNOW!

*L throws Rythm Heaven to the ground and stomps on it.*

Matt: NO! I HAD ALL OF THE MINIGAMES UNLOCKED!

L: Next is this. *Holds up Fable 2*

Matt: I'll tell you! I'LL TELL YOU! It's Light Yagami!

L: Are you working with him?

Matt: No. You are.

L: *blinks* Oh...yeah...well...

Matt: Can I please have my games back now?

L: yes, Ensign. I'm sorry I went a little overboard there.

Matt: A little? I didn't know cake could do this to a person.

L: Did you just say...CAKE?

Matt: What?

L: WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE CAKE?

Matt: I didn't do anything with it!

*L starts to strangle Matt when Beyond walks in.*

Matt: *Gasping for breath* Help...meeeeeee

Beyond: I will take it from here. Only I, THE TRUE L, can calm him.

L: *glares* try me.

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Okay. Matt's attempt was a failure. Will Beyond be able to calm L down?

Who knows? Well, except for me.

Next up, It's **BEYOND'S TURN.**

**Disclaimer! I don't own Halo, Rythm Heaven, or Fable 2. I mean I do own those games but I don't own the copyrights...lol**


	6. Beyond's Turn

WOOOOAAAAAH,

It's been forever! Well, I only have about two more chappies to go, considering L's week is almost up. But for now,

It's

**BEYOND'S TURN.**

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Beyond: *walks menacingly up to L* I'm going to calm you down...or else.

L: Or else what?

Beyond: I'm going to...KILL YOU.

L: ...Why?

Beyond: *blinks* Why not?

L: Well, if you're just coming here to calm me down, wouldn't killing me kind of defeat the purpose? Are you stupid?

Beyond: ...no.

L: Are you sure? What's up with the stupid bags under your eyes?

Beyond: You're one to talk!

L: At least I'm attractive.

Beyond: I LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!

L: Your nose is a little crooked, your eyes are too far apart, and you have horrible breath.

Beyond: *attacks* YOU MOTHER-

L: *puts a finger to Beyond's mouth* Shhh. This story's only rated K +. Now stop trying to corrupt the minds of our poor innocent viewers.

Beyond: *SIIIIIIGH* Fudger... T.T Okay, just..go sit down or something.

L: NEVER! *runs away*

*About 23 minutes later*

Beyond: Why does he always run off? *stalks through the hallway* L. L...

L: *giggling* You'll never get me alive.

Beyond: *looks around* Where the heck are you?

L: Why is the boy in the tootsie pop commercials always naked? The world may never know. *Laughs manically*

Beyond: *holds up a small vile containing knock out...stuff* I've got some cake for youuuuuu. *evil smile*

L: *poofs in front of him* Cake?

Beyond: WHAT THE -bleeeeep-? How the -bleeep- did you -bleeping- -bleep- the -bleeeeeeeep-? I'm not even cussing!

L: *presses bleep button repeatedly* Heh heh...with this, you can make anything sound bad. :3

Beyond: I WILL -bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- YOU IN THE FACE WITH A -BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP- UNTIL YOU CAN'T -- I HATE YOU.

L: *giggles like a little girl and runs away*

Beyond: *begins beating his head into a wall* I hate my life...

L: *poofs behind Beyond* Hey...Beyond. *creepy smile*

Beyond: *turns to him* Wha- O.O ARE YOU WEARING A LOINCLOTH?

L: *skips off* I feel so freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

Beyond: *gets mooned* My...my eyes...*goes blind, doorbell rings, crawls to the front door* GET ME OUTTA THIS -bleeeeeeeeeeeeping- PLACE!

Watari: *opens the door and sees Beyond* He flashed ya, didn't he?

Light: ...?

Beyond: OH THE UNHOLY HORROR!

Watari: Well, you no longer have to worry. *holds up cake* They got cake in a day early.

Beyond: HALLELUJAH!

Light: *walks upstairs* ...You've got to be kidding me...

Beyond and Watari: Hmm?

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What has Light seen? I know... you don't bwahahaha :3

okay. Next chappie will be up soon. :3


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